Waiting For Azure - sky..

sigh..recently a lot of things in mind…playing back and forward..lots of things that i am worrying about without any reasons and worrying about things that haven’t even happen…

causing me to lost concentration on everything that i am doing..eat..sleep..study..everything mess up…conclusion..i am having a one damn messy life over here…

i am back to my depressing, mute and worrying period again…

i kept on thinking am i going to be like that until i graduate? (which for now..not even sure am i going to graduate smoothly)…

making myself busy doesn’t help either…while sleeping..having endless meaningless dreams..leading to more tiredness…

what the heck am i doing with my life?..i am not sure..i am not getting help for myself and not talking to anyone..just keeping all the pressure on my back…i am creating a thick thick wall around me..with a door with a super lock and "KEEP OUT " sign..it works..i am creating  a barrier with everyone around me..keeping distance..everyone is keeping away from me..just what i wanted..or is this what i have wanted? (not sure)i once heard…ppl is standing outside of ur door..if u dun open it..no one can reach u..I totally agree..really i do..but i think i have lost the key of the door..pity? i dun think so..i dun even feel pity of myself..

maybe i really need to head somewhere unknown..with unknown ppl…searching for the best locksmith that can open my super tight security door..

recently..i have bcome a romance freak..haha…watching drama and movies bt it…and all end up with sad ending..i can even sad till insomnia…this is bad…

my friend say i am getting more and more mushy…hehe..he say..i am too sentimental..

well..i just can’t help it……i dun cry like normal gurls do when they watch sad romance stuff..i just keep to myself and will play it in my mind when free…than…sad..

my friend..say if i dun stop watching..it will affect my brain development soon. :0

oklah….i will stop…planning too…;)

but anyways…the new movie…chinese one.."happy b’day" is recommended…enjoy..ciao!

well…my favourite day of the week is HERE!!!!!!!!YA!!!!!

cheers!!!what’s with the celebration mood…well….firstly…i have totally 100% recover from my 1 week sickness..although my voice still sounded sexy…hehe…and…i have just found out that my upper respiratory system infection has become….TADAA…….COUGH…Oh God……

today…started the day on late morning….well….since i have insomnia..yesterday nite…YES…IS BACK AGAIN!!!my best friend insomnia….than…spent the whole morning till noon in newspaper..and started to on9…browse thru some of my frenz blog..and caught on one of it…which i TOTALLY supported on…pharmacy students…"learning so much on saving people’s life..while we are trying to kill ourselves back" hehe (cheers to jason) hehe

besides havin cough…i have another disease which is not in the medicine history…TOTALLY BROKE disease…

well….start working to earn money????but..i have another co related disease comin….TOTALLY NOT IN WORKING MOOD disease…(dennis do we have a cure for that

well…maybe when feb is here..my financial crisis will be better…coz..no one in the family…is havin any b’day soon……..;)

today is the 16th of january…16 days have passed since the new year….people said…new year coming o…better make some new year resolution…see if we can manage to gain success in any of the resolution made…I..for one, is not that kind of person that will make any new year resolution…bcoz..i make weekly resolution…

every sunday..i will make a list of tasks that i want to get it done for the whole week…regardless if it is a study week or not…but…every week..there must be some task that i will fail to do as planned..so…for..me..there’s no point of doing new year resolution…

people said when u are too free…u tend to think a lot of bullshits…well…so…get up..and do something..no aim in life …is like a lifeless soul wandering around..well..i think i am one of the aimless..lifeless soul here…i have nothing better to do?(u might be ask) well..i can answer u ..that i have a lot to do..really a lot..but the thing is..each night i fall asleep with a determination..each morning..i wake up with an empty mind and heart…things is getting worse when i start to get sick these few days…

i am beggining to think…what am i doing here at this place..this hour …standing here..what is my purpose now? *blank*

maybe..i think..is time for me to get away from here..from the people around me..for a  moment…for a while..to let my mind and body..back here with me..before i start and consider to do anything…coz…i am beginning to feel tired and bored…of myself and the things around me…

well..december passed…

nothing has changed..except that..the busy schedule is over..free and empty…and of course…i am still letting down a person..(from the look of the face) without knowing the reason at all…

recently..i have feel empty..not because of nothing to do..is because..i kept on asking myself..how can a period of 2 years..with occasion meetings..can outbeat a 21 years relationship…

if this relationship couldn’t work… a relationship..that all this while i have put trust and faith in it..without doubt..since i was born..can a friendship still survive with a period of 1 year without occasion meetings at all?????????????

i understand..ppl move on from 1 stage to another..to experience other ppl other stuff around them..but…can’t the old experience and ppl that use to be in ur life..stays..where they are?

i have lose faith and trust on everyone and everything in my life…i am beggining to feel..what is the use of getting emotional and close to anyone? at last..they will leave u one day..no matter  what circumstances…

i felt like being stabbed all over without knowing the reason at all.. and i am afraid to find out more..coz..i believe once i did that…the remains won’t be  even there..

maybe..i should give up…maybe this will do everyone good…

and me..continue with my life…with no trust at all..if it should be that way..