Waiting For Azure - sky..

how do u define respect? do u categorise the people around you with age…ability to make u happy…financial status…to gain respect from you?

today..i have witness the most dissapointing thing in my whole life…i am dumbfounded…very very mad..but could not said it right out to those peoples…coz…to me..i still respect them…

is it means that if those people that can make u happy once in a blue moon..bringing u to their high society world once in a while (that’s all) can gain ur full respect..while those…who shows unconditional care and love…and saricfice time and energy when u need someone…..can just " throw " them aside? even though they are uur family..just bcoz they dun "shower" with u with something "great" once in a while….

is it means that people who is much more younger than u..do not need any respect? respect is only meant to those who are elder than u..from the younger one’s? what kind og  a world is it? is it means whatever what the elder ppl did to the young ones..throwing in all the hurtful remarks …words…without pity….over a silly silly stupid little thing…forgetting how these young ones..had been so helpful and care bt u..when u r in the lowest point of life….just bcoz younger..doesn’t mean..u can  do whatever u can…

sometimes..the elder ones..might think that i am too proud..do not know how to respect elder ppl…they will start saying…had been studying for so many years..yet..the basic moral values…still not there..but can i ask them back? if i do not have the respect towards them…i won’t be sitting here..and conffesing everything…being mad..typing away on my laptop..instead..i will just snap at them..and tell them right to their faces…

i know i shouldn’t have such big emotional reaction..but still i am really dissapointed…how some people…respect a status of someone over everything else including love and care….

yesterday..reached home at 7….was..damn tired…after a session of crazy  chemo lab..after all what we did was waiting..n waiting…and joking..laughing..persuing stanley to sing the elliot yamin song..haha..telling stupid jokes with richard, sze kei and chooi leng..which didn’t work…that’s why is not good for waiting..we will end up showing the crazy side of ours…and we even took pictures…thanks sze kei..for including me..hehe (hey took it from ur blog..hope is not hak cipta terpelihara or something

yesterday night planning to study serotonin..ended up..chatting with susan..ya..and dennis..and a while with ed..and eric…with susan was the longest…we chatted just about everything..catching up with each other lives….out of sudden..i just miss her so much..and of course all the other friends over there as well…

ppl used to say friendship will changed with time (is directly proportional..hehe) but at least what is between me and susan..won’t be..i think..haha…

gurl…take care ok?….i am glad we can find some time to squeeze in our little chat..hope to do that with u more…

it’s been a while since i have updated my blog…well..life is a  bit hectic..nowadays..not like last sem….so….recently….really tired..and the stress level is increasing day by day…ya..this is not the first time i am facing these..but..this sem..i DO feel the "impact" sometimes..i felt myself having nervous breakdown..but…kept on reminded myself to stay calm…

though busy..but still relocate some time..for movies..haha…

last friday..the chemo class has been reschedule..so…went to watch rattatoille (have i spelt it right?) with my mum…well..the movie..was ok…the plot? simple…throwing a few funny dialoges..along the way..but the animation was great..really…

since i am not really that satisfied with that movie..so…with my weird personality (that is..if i am not satisfied with a movie..i must watch another 1 that satisfy me..weird huh?) so..i persuaded my brother to watch jay chou’s secret with me..i have been waiting for this movie for quite some time..though i am not a huge fan of his…but..still..a movie directed , written and acted by him..should be something interesting..so..at last my brother say yes..haha..he insisted that the movie is going to be so bored..and he said…is best to buy more junk food to fill in the time in the cinema(ya..i should have ppunch him..hehe)

ended  up..the movie was GREAT…although is not like those big budget movie with lots of famous actors and actresses and "big" plot..but…the story  line was great…jay chou is really a total genius….haha…it started of really slow..and u r beginning to wonder..why there are so many unanswered question here and there (ya the title said it all..so suppose to be like that) but…as it reached the climax and towards the end…i love it..it was so touching..especially the scene where Rain told jay that she love her.. and asked him..if he loves her..by using a correction fluid on the desk table in the class(not a good example)…and jay..saw it(it was kinda freaky..with the words suddenly appearing on the desk…like one of the scene in harry potter in one of the series)but..that scene is the scene i LOVE the most…ya ..u should watch it..if u really dun understand what i meant.. :)as jay chou said in a interview…is suppose to be a secret..so u got to watch it urself…

and..guess what my brother said…after coming out from the cinema hall? "sis…it was a great movie" 

this morning…i am a bit reluctant to wake up..coz..the night before…slept quite late..coz.was watching "disturbia" a really cool movie..with a really interesting plot..though all the sequence of it..is quite predictable..but still nice..and..before going off to uni…received an email from issac from india…is was so nice to hear from him..finally…good to hear that he is adjusting well..and finally able to be on the right track of his life..getting into the uni of his choice…

this morning..not that lonely..at least..stanley was there earlier than me..haha…so we chatted a while..after waiting for almost half an hour..richard informed us that the class is cancel..i was like "what the heck!!!" i can get an extra 1 hour sleep…if we knew it earlier..sigh…

in pharmacology class..the first lecturer is still on the introduction..but this time..is on pharmacokinetics..at least..is better than the first class introduction..on..pharmacodynamics..hahah..i was looking forward towards the lecture given by the second lecturer Dr. Rao..but end up…today..there was no slot by him..weird..i wonder how they schedule their lectures..still a doubt..coz the teaching plan…not here yet!!!!

just browsed through sze kei’s blog..and have tried out the sleeping test in a health website recommended by her..but i have found out something more interesting..a test…about depression "is it depression or something else?" since i have always suspected that i ahve a mild depression since i am in pharmacy course..so i have tried it..the results of it? (drum roll…..) the results stated that i mild bipolar depression..what was that? erm…this is the explanation i have got after checking it :

Bipolar depression and unipolar depression may look very similar. These similarities often lead to bipolar depression being misdiagnosed, sometimes for years, before a person gets the correct diagnosis and thus the correct medicines for the condition.What makes bipolar depression different from unipolar depression is that people with bipolar depression have had a manic episode in the past. Bipolar disorder has two main phases: a depressive phase (sometimes referred to as bipolar depression) and a manic phase.People with unipolar depression have never experienced a manic episode.If you’re experiencing the depressive phase of bipolar disorder, you may feel sad and hopeless. Things you once enjoyed don’t seem fun or interesting anymore. You may be sleeping too much or too little. Maybe you feel anxious or guilty.People are more likely to talk to their doctor during this part of the illness because they feel so down. This is another reason why bipolar depression is so often mistaken for unipolar depression.The manic phase of bipolar disorder (or bipolar mania) is very different. There might be times when you have lots of energy or don’t need to sleep as much. You might talk quickly and have "crowded" thoughts. Maybe you plan lots of complicated projects. You might feel irritable and lose your temper easily. You might go on spending sprees or make reckless decisions.

well..the explanations…seems to be quite true..about myself..but since is just a mild one..guess…no need too worry to much..right?

After a really bump out first day..today..i was in a fuzzy state of mind when i arrived to the uni…reached the class so early…so…just sat there and did some reading..

started of with pharmacology where we had 2 lecturers in 2 hours…the first one for the first hour..well..is a new lecturer with  a really kind face…but his lectures was kind of…..erm…..bored..haha..so..all of us was so restless…some looking here and there….and i was freezing to death…due to air conditionining in the class….

the second lecturer gives me a real surprise..he was really interesting…he is not the usual "reading - slides- lecturer"…and..he makes the whole thing so understandable and funny at times…

after freezing for 2 hours in the class…i just can’t wait to get home

just moments ago..i have sucessfully offended a  friend of mine..due to ever famous forgetfulness and more unkeep promises attitude..after all my apologies via sms..well..i hope that i will be forgiven..after all..it is really my mistake..but why make mistake when u knew that u will end up saying sorry, rite?this is the philosophy of life that i have never get to learn it myself….

class is commencing soon…….looking at the time table..makes me sick..it is not consider pack..but is dragging…

after getting the time table..these few days..my mind kept on thinking and reviewing..what more or what should i do to improve and do better and make sure i will not dissapoint anyone or myself this coming sem…well..all leads to "numbness"…

i just wish that no more "troubles" given by all these subjects this coming sem..and no more external surrounding problems..most importantly no more internal problems from myself….

crossing my fingers…hoping everyone will just go through this sem…