Waiting For Azure - sky..

It’s been 1 week…my holidays have since started…and just this 1 week…all the things that happen around me..when pile up….is equal to things that could happen to me in 1 year..too many stuff..too little time to digest and absorb…

I have officially live in alday for almost a week…from living together with kim yen, sharlyn, susan and edward…till now…the house just left me and susan …god knows where edward is

so..what really happen the whole week? basically…..each and everyday I have been telling myself that I need some tremendous improvement in my work..thus need to work hard….and…in between..trying to find all the time that both me and kim yen had…to go to all the places that he wishes to go before he finally move to brisbane for good….speaking of that…to be separated with a friend that I have known since A levels till now…is kinda of weird…something that cannot be described..but yet it is not as sad as i have imagined it would be…Of course i do miss the time when he tease me and make me angry each and every minute but no doubt i am kinda glad that finally he is able to do what he likes to do in  his life…and i wish i could in the future….

and within 1 week, I have did something so daring that I can’t imagine I would do that…To do something daring at the age of 23…yeah..is kinda late…people said..u always do daring stuff when you are young and reckless..but to be at 23…when all you think of..at least all I think of..is to play it safe..to do something daring..is kinda…too extreme..for me but i am really glad i did that..at least i know..i have no regrets in the future..

and the 3rd thing I have been busy and worry about is to find a house.. I REALLY NEED TO GET A HOUSE…i have finally realise to get a house to live in perth..is totally difficult..sigh….hopefully by end of december…i will be able to get a house that everyone will be satisfied at…

and recently…the debate about independent and dependent have been lingering in the air around me for quite some time…i do realise that all the while my friends’ impression on me..especially those close to me.. is that I am a quite dependent person..as in…i need all the support i can get..regardless mentally support or any kind of help at all….this make susan so mad at times coz..she is always the independent one..and she complained to me that seems like so many people care about me and everyone thinks that she is independent and show less care towards her…this makes me wonder..is this good? to be dependent? there’s once…a close friend once told me…i always make myself so fragile…yeah..i do agree..but..at times..i do want to be strong..and at times….i feel mad as well..as in everyone thinks for me too much…and they always manage to find a way to protect my feelings and cover my needs in their own way without asking me first what is the actual thing that i really need…yeah..i am a really straight forward person…predictable as always…but sometimes being to predictable is not something that i wish for and i wish someone will understand that even though they can predict what i want and need….but sometimes….the truth is..i don’t really actually feel that way…yeah..sounded kinda complex but is simple..i just want people to know that is nice to be taken care of and protected…but at times..maybe I just want things to be a little bit indifferent…..so…if u ask me to be independent or dependent..well..to me..is just a yes and no answer..maybe people assume i am dependent by telling off all the unhappiness..problems…etc..to someone..instead of just keeping it to myself and deal with it..but to me….is just my way of releasing all the troubles in my head…to make sure i lead a happier life…to me..this doesn’t show that i am fragile and my feelings need to be protected at all times..

maybe many people will think that i am being crazy and ungrateful towards all the care that have shown to me..but no..i am not..i really do feel grateful..and sometimes it does feel nice..but maybe i just want to head a different direction for once…

“just blink” everything will be over…this is what i have told sze khei on the first day of our final paper….outside the exam hall..true to my words..time passes really ..i mean it..really really quick…BLINK! i am here…today..or should i say..yesterday…at 11.30 am sharp….i ahve finished my final paper for 3rd year as pharmacy student… not including the oral exam that i am going to have on thurs…sigh..when is it going to end??? i really really need my break…

so..how’s the 4 papers? everyone have been asking…seriously i am not sure….it started off okay..than it went down a bit..than…..it go slightly unsatisfied a bit more..and it shoot up on the last day..yeah…a pretty drastic graph..i know…not sure why..i have this uneasy feeling with me since the 2nd paper till now…gynnete have been telling me to stop thinking bt it..but everynight before i sleep..i will be thinking of it….sometimes i hope god knows i just want to go 4th year….no expectation of really really good results…hope he will grant me this wish…my early b’day wish..i know is still too early to wish though

yesterday was my dad’s b’day….i remember it….though i am busy with the exams and work..but…….after the last paper..and with all the working and stuff..i forget..lucky for me..my beloved brother texted me..and remind me..hehe…well….i told him.. i remember..but he insisted that i have forgotten….yeah..and in the end…i have called my dad almost 9pm at night..and i know is too late to wish him by than..i am suppose to be the first 1 to wish him…such a bad daughter..and my dad’s first sentence is “i thought u have forgotten” it hit me hard..really hard..it sounded like my dad is waiting for my call …and i feel really guilty for letting him waiting for it for the whole day..so sorry for that…

yeah..suppose to be studying for the oral now..so need to stop..but my fingers are itching..have syptoms…wanted to type something..haha..so now..i have got my “relief”…

and once again..congrats to all my friends who finally graduated from this evil pharmacy course….and having heaps of evil exams…stress moments…with this course..not sure how much of sacrifices…tears….and…sweats ( i think..hehe) they have poured in…so..i am really happy for them….and they are starting their celebration now..wish i could have join them…when is my celebration going to start????